Listening to your own advice. Helping people is a very good way to help yourself. If you are giving and willing to support the people around you, it does wonders for your mood and your outlook.

I have been reading a lot about motivation, mindset and focus in the last year and have amassed a huge arsenal of ideas, techniques and advice. I am able to help people with these topics but have found myself in a strange situation: I am not listening to myself.

Many times I come out from a session where I’m helping someone with their focus problems, and then after the session waste an hour or two being unfocused for no reason. Why? If I have the tools to help myself get back on track, why do I let myself be sidetracked like this?

It’s very interesting to think about how we kind of assume that the rules apply to everyone else but us. This is incorrect most of the time and we should trust ourselves and trust the process.

The paradox of the advisor

We often become experts at giving advice we don’t follow ourselves. This is a common phenomenon that affects coaches, therapists, teachers, and anyone who helps others. We can see clearly what others need to do but struggle to apply the same wisdom to our own lives.

The gap between knowledge and action is universal. Knowing what to do and actually doing it are two completely different things. This gap exists for everyone, but it’s particularly noticeable when you’re in a position of helping others.

Helping others creates a false sense of mastery. When you successfully help someone else, it can feel like you’ve mastered the concept yourself. But helping others and applying the same principles to your own life require different skills.

The advisor paradox is especially common in personal development. People who study motivation, productivity, and mindset often become excellent at diagnosing others’ problems while remaining blind to their own.

This disconnect can be frustrating and confusing. You know you have the tools, you know they work, but somehow you can’t seem to use them for yourself. This creates a sense of hypocrisy and self-doubt.

Why helping others helps you

Helping people is a very good way to help yourself. When you support others, you’re not just being altruistic, you’re also reinforcing your own knowledge and skills.

Teaching others solidifies your understanding. When you explain concepts to someone else, you’re forced to organize your thoughts and articulate your knowledge clearly. This process deepens your own understanding.

Helping others improves your mood and outlook. Acts of service and support release positive hormones and create a sense of purpose and connection. This emotional boost can improve your overall well-being.

Supporting others builds your confidence. When you successfully help someone, it reinforces your belief in your own capabilities. This confidence can transfer to other areas of your life.

Helping others creates accountability. When you give advice to others, you’re implicitly committing to those principles. This can create pressure to live up to your own words.

The helper’s high is real. There’s a genuine psychological benefit to helping others that goes beyond the immediate impact on the person you’re helping.

The disconnect between giving and receiving

I am not listening to myself. This simple statement captures a profound truth about human psychology. We can be excellent at giving advice while being terrible at following it.

The rules apply to everyone else but us. This is a cognitive bias that affects almost everyone. We see others’ situations clearly but view our own through a distorted lens.

We make exceptions for ourselves. When it comes to our own behavior, we often find reasons why the rules don’t apply. We’re too busy, too stressed, too different, or too special to follow the same advice we give others.

We underestimate our own problems. When helping others, we can see their challenges clearly. But when it comes to our own issues, we often minimize them or rationalize them away.

We overestimate our own capabilities. We assume that because we understand the concepts, we don’t need to apply them systematically. We think we can wing it or figure it out as we go.

We lack the external perspective we provide to others. When helping others, we can see their situation objectively. But when it comes to our own lives, we’re too close to see clearly.

The cost of not following your own advice

You waste time and energy. When you don’t apply your own tools and techniques, you’re essentially starting from scratch every time. You’re not building on your knowledge and experience.

You create cognitive dissonance. There’s a psychological cost to knowing what you should do but not doing it. This creates internal conflict and stress.

You miss opportunities for growth. The tools and techniques you’ve learned are only valuable if you use them. Otherwise, they’re just theoretical knowledge that doesn’t improve your life.

You undermine your credibility. When you don’t follow your own advice, it can affect your confidence and your ability to help others effectively.

You create a negative feedback loop. The more you fail to apply your own wisdom, the more you doubt your knowledge and your ability to help others.

You miss the compound effect. Small improvements, consistently applied, create significant results over time. When you don’t apply your own advice, you miss this compounding effect.

Breaking the pattern

Recognize the pattern. The first step is to acknowledge that you’re not following your own advice. This awareness is crucial for change.

Treat yourself like a client. When you’re struggling with something, step back and imagine you’re helping someone else with the same problem. What advice would you give them?

Create systems for self-application. Don’t rely on willpower or memory. Create systems, reminders, and structures that help you apply your own knowledge consistently.

Practice what you preach. Make a conscious effort to use the same tools and techniques you recommend to others. Start with small, manageable applications.

Track your self-application. Keep a record of when you successfully apply your own advice. This helps you see that you’re making progress and reinforces the behavior.

Be patient with yourself. Changing patterns takes time. Don’t expect to immediately start following all your own advice perfectly.

Practical strategies for self-application

Create a personal toolkit. Compile the most important tools and techniques you’ve learned into a personal reference guide. Review it regularly and use it when you’re struggling.

Set reminders for yourself. Use your phone, calendar, or other tools to remind yourself to apply your own wisdom at key moments.

Practice the techniques you teach. If you teach meditation, practice meditation. If you teach time management, use time management techniques. If you teach focus strategies, use focus strategies.

Ask yourself: “What would I tell someone else?” When you’re facing a challenge, imagine you’re helping someone else with the same problem. What advice would you give them?

Create accountability. Share your goals and intentions with others, or create systems that hold you accountable for applying your own advice.

Review and reflect regularly. Set aside time to review how well you’re applying your own knowledge and identify areas for improvement.

The mindset shift

Trust yourself and trust the process. The tools and techniques you’ve learned work. The reason you can help others is because you have valuable knowledge. Trust that this knowledge can help you too.

Recognize that you’re not special. The rules and principles you teach others apply to you as well. You’re not exempt from the laws of productivity, focus, or personal development.

Embrace the beginner’s mindset. Even though you have knowledge, approach your own challenges with the same curiosity and openness you encourage in others.

Focus on progress, not perfection. You don’t need to apply your own advice perfectly. Small improvements, consistently applied, will create significant results over time.

Celebrate your successes. When you successfully apply your own advice, acknowledge and celebrate it. This reinforces the behavior and makes it more likely to continue.

Be compassionate with yourself. When you fail to follow your own advice, treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to others.

The bottom line

Listening to your own advice is one of the most powerful things you can do. You have valuable knowledge and tools that can transform your life, but only if you use them.

The gap between knowledge and action is real but bridgeable. You can learn to apply your own wisdom consistently with practice and intention.

Helping others is valuable, but helping yourself is essential. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself and applying your own knowledge makes you better able to help others.

Start small and be consistent. Pick one area where you’re not following your own advice and focus on applying it consistently. Small changes compound over time.

Trust the process. The tools and techniques you’ve learned work. The reason you can help others is because you have valuable knowledge. Trust that this knowledge can help you too.

You have the tools, you have the knowledge, you have the ability. The only thing missing is the decision to use them for yourself. Start today, and watch your life transform.

Listening to your own advice is the highest form of self-respect. You owe it to yourself to apply the wisdom you’ve worked so hard to acquire.